Let’s Read Some Green Bay Packer Fan Fiction

Look, I understand that this isn’t easy. I write for a baseball blog and occasionally for a football website and this tumblr that barely anyone reads, basically whenever I feel like it. I don’t have to come up with new content every day and in exchange no one pays me anything. It’s a good system. I totally get that if you want to make a living writing about football you have to come up with topics when there is no football, and that is what leads to things like this. I wasn’t even going to bother but then I was randomly googling Larry Fitzgerald and this was the top hit which is just silly

Anyway (article in bold):

How Would Larry Fitzgerald Look with the Green Bay Packers?

Yahoo Contributor Network By Evan Massey

In formal logic if your premises are untrue then whether your conclusion is true or not, your argument is valid. For instance, “if the sky is bright neon yellow, then dogs speak perfect Italian.” That’s valid. It’s not true (necessarily) and kind of stupid, but it’s valid. I only mention this because here in the land where Larry Fitzgerald is a Packer the dogs speak perfect Italian.

COMMENTARY | The Green Bay Packers are entering a very interesting offseason, and there is a very real chance that GM Ted Thompson will look to make a splash or two.

As most of you know, Ted Thompson basically never makes a splash, but since the sky is already bright neon yellow and dogs are speaking Italian and Larry Fitzgerald is a Packer, why the heck not?

Green Bay is coming off of a very tough season last year that saw a lot of injuries, but they were still able to make a playoff run. They will likely be losing multiple weapons on offense in Jermichael Finley and James Jones, so that could very well put them in the market for a wide receiver.

If Ted Thompson has a specialty, surely it is finding wide receivers in the draft. They did not replace Donald Driver in free agency, they did not replace Greg Jennings in free agency, and they almost certainly will not replace Jones and/or Finley in free agency. I know at least a few people who are very high on Brandon Bostick as an offensive weapon and Jarrett Boykin acquitted himself just fine as a 3rd or 4th WR, which is all Jones is at this point. I also would wager that Ted will take a WR in the draft, but I could be wrong. In any case, wide receiver is one of the strongest positions on the team.

Obviously losing James Jones and Jermichael Finley will be big losses for the Packers, but they could make those losses go away with one very simple move.

Ignoring them?

The Arizona Cardinals are expected to listen to offers for star wide receiver Larry Fitzgerald, and he could be the fix for all the offensive issues in Green Bay.

Hey guys, Larry Fitzgerald plays backup QB now!

I honestly have no idea what the offensive issues for the Packers could possibly mean. They were 4th in the NFC in points scored and that’s with only half a season of Aaron Rodgers. Jordy Nelson is still one of the ten (and I would argue five) best receivers in the game, Randall Cobb is still a huge weapon, and they now have a very good running game to complement an elite passing attack. Almost all of the Packers’ issues are on defense and special teams. What is the point of this?

Aaron Rodgers has put up huge numbers with his receiving corps, but adding a player like Fitzgerald would make them look even more unstoppable.

Sort of like being even more pregnant.

This isn’t going to be a trade that the Packers will likely take a look at, but it is certainly an interesting situation to think about. Fitzgerald played in all 16 games with the Cardinals last season, catching 82 passes for 954 yards and 10 touchdowns. Adding a playmaker with his ability in the red zone would be exactly what the doctor ordered for Mike McCarthy and the offense.

I don’t want to sound like I’m implying that the 30-year-old Fitzgerald is washed up or lousy. He’s still one of the NFL’s best. I mean, if the Packers could get him cheap…

Fitzgerald’s contract is extremely pricy,


which makes acquiring him next to impossible for the Packers.

Well we should definitely keep talking about it then. Can we speculate about other impossible acquisitions at positions of non-need? Think they can get Christian Okoye as a backup RB? Maybe QB Eagles to back up Aaron?

They could afford to bring him in, but their primary focus is going to be on the defensive side of the football. There wouldn’t be a happier player in the NFL following the acquisition of Fitzgerald than Aaron Rodgers if something like this was to go down.

I’m sure Aaron would love seeing his defense get torched due to horrible mismanagement of resources. 

The Packers’ offense is already one of the most dangerous in the league, but adding Fitzgerald would bring a weapon that Rodgers has never had before.

Oh come on. Look, Larry Fitzgerald is really good, but it’s not like the Packers have surrounded Aaron with chopped liver. According to Pro Football Focus, in 2009 Larry was the 6th best WR. Greg Jennings ranked 16th. In 2010 Larry was again 7th and Jennings climbed to 11th. In 2011 Fitzgerald was 2nd overall, but Jordy Nelson was just barely behind him at 4th and Jennings was still hanging around at 14th.  And in 2012 Randall Cobb finished at 11th with Nelson at 27th while Fitzgerald was all the way down at 61. Rodgers has consistently had plenty of talent on par with Larry Fitzgerald.

His size combined with his athletic ability and great hands would be an incredible duo to watch.

What to make of this sentence…It’s so weird. The duo refers to Fitz and Rodgers but he lists only physical attributes or Fitzgerald and there are three of them which just grates up against “duo”. Maybe it’s like jazz and you have to read the words that aren’t there.

Fitzgerald has never played with a quarterback as talented as Rodgers, so he would be ecstatic about the move as well without question.

There’s this guy named Kurt Warner who led the revolutionary “Greatest Show on Turf” in St. Louis and then ended up on the Cardinals for five years starting in 2005 and played with Larry Fitzgerald for all five of those years and got them to a Super Bowl in 2008 and is a borderline Hall of Famer.* Maybe you’ve heard of him.

Overall, the fact of the matter is that the addition of Larry Fitzgerald would complete the Packers’ offense.

Just like Renee Zellweger completed Jerry Maguire except more expensively and less plausibly.

They don’t need to focus on the offensive side of the football, but if they decided that they wanted to make some improvements, this would be an ideal way to do it.

The best way to argue is to repeat your conclusion over and over unsupported by any facts. The best way to argue is to repeat your conclusion over and over unsupported by any facts.

This is certainly not something that will happen,

Well I’m glad we talked about it then.

but it is very intriguing to think about the Green Bay offense with Fitzgerald on board as well.

I like to think about their offense employing a cave troll. Now that’d be neat! 

*And would have been a sure-fire Hall of Famer had he started his career before the age of 27.

blog comments powered by Disqus